Laura's Guide to Woman-Wrangling

I figured since I wrote a blog post that was pretty much female exclusive recently, I should write a blog for the menfolk. And so here it is. A blog post written by a woman, about women, for men. And lesbians, although they're more likely to already know this sort of thing.

Women Like...

• Affirmation

No matter what your girlfriend/fiancee/wife is like-- no matter now confident and self-assured she is-- she needs to feel reassured. If she's dressed up to see you, tell her she looks good. Women like hearing that their partners find them attractive. Doesn't it give you an ego boost if she tells you that she thinks you're handsome? There's some basic logic for you.

• Listening

Sure, we nag. Sure, it gets annoying. But honestly, ignoring us only makes it so much worse. And as long as you aren't dating a psychobitch, you know what? We're usually nagging for a reason-- like you got urine on the toilet seat when you were drunk, or you (surprise surprise) have been ignoring us. So basically, if you're with a girl who has a good head on her shoulders, if you hear her out, she won't have a reason to bitch at you.

• Attention

For the love of God, look at me when I talk to you. Have you heard that phrase before? Well, put down the XBox controller. Tell your World of Warcraft guild that you'll be right back. Tell your guy friends that you'll be over to watch the game soon. Now, only paying half-attention to your partner is something women are guilty of too. Sometimes, bitches are glued to their cell phones. So if she's griping that you aren't listening to her, you can potentially turn it around (but do so as nicely and sincerely as possible) and ask her to listen to you when you want to talk. PROTIP: Don't say she has your attention and then try to lean past her to look at the TV or whatever you were doing. It's not subtle. You will get caught. And she will be even more pissed off at you.

• Responsiveness

If she calls you, it's best to answer the phone. If she leaves you a voicemail, listen to it and respond. Even if you're passing on going to see Chick Flick Whatever with her because you already made plans with the guys, she may not be thrilled about it, but you know what? It'll be worse if you leave her hanging and she misses the movie because she was waiting to see if you would call her back. Honestly, it kind of hurts our feelings if we try to get ahold of you, and you don't respond until two or three days later because of Half-Assed Excuse Number Nine. That leads me to the final point I'm going to make.

• Trustworthiness

If your woman calls you and you don't respond for days on end, what is she going to think? She's either going to start to wonder if you don't care about her anymore, or worse-- that you're cheating on her. Even if you're just sick or tired from work, it's better to let her know that so she won't be wondering WHY you aren't talking to her. Once again, women need reassurance. In the words of Billy Joel, "Tell her About It."

So, to summarize all this up, if you're mad at your woman and she's mad at you, look at your own actions and try to piece together why she's upset-- and ask her to do the same for you. Keep the lines of communication open. A lot of relationships end terribly because people won't talk to each other. Honesty is the best policy!

Wow, that was a lot more sincere and a lot less funny than I'd planned on it being. What's wrong with me?! The next post will have more funny. I promise.