Headless Horseman.

This is a post about World of Warcraft. If you aren't interested in World of Warcraft... well, I can't say DON'T READ THIS because I honestly tried to make it funny, and not just in the realm of WoW humor. But yeah. If you're scowling right now at the fact that I decided to write about World of Warcraft-- I mean actually, scowling, mean-mugging and all that-- then yeah, you probably should sit this one out.

World of Warcraft does a lot of extra stuff to go with the various seasons in real life. I dunno if this is to remind 900-pound mouthbreathing neckbeards that there is still an actual outside world, or what. Either way, it makes for a nice diversion from the usual World of Warcraft activities.

Naturally, the current event, Hallow's End, is Halloween-oriented. You can visit inns and trick or treat, get candy, put on masks that look like other races, all sorts of good stuff. But Hallow's End has an antagonist.

I'm talking about the Headless Horseman. You see, the Headless Horseman is a pyromaniac. All he does is ride around on his magical flying horse and light towns on fire-- while players scramble to put them out. You get loot for doing this, which is nice, but there are a couple of problems with it. He seriously shows up like every five minutes. And he yells. In rhyme.

So you're minding your own business in a town, just chilling, and all of a sudden you hear this.

"Prepare yourselves, the bells have tolled! Shelter your weak, your young and your old! Each of you shall pay the final sum! Cry for mercy; the reckoning has come!"

This is followed by the most ridiculous, terrible laughter ever. EVER. It's kind of a.... "BAAAAWWWWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWWWW."

Other well-written (ha!) Horseman lines include:

• The sky is dark. The fire burns. You strive in vain as Fate's wheel turns.
• My flames have died, left not a spark! I shall send you now to the lifeless dark!
• So eager you are, for my blood to spill. Yet to vanquish me, 'tis my head you must kill!

So yeah, after you put out his fires, he comes riding down out of the sky and you get to kill him, but lo! You can't because that's not his head. So where's his head at? In a dungeon, of course.

So you and your friends form a bitchin' team to go into the dungeon and kick his ass, where he spouts off yet more awesome rhymes. You beat the snot out of him until his head flies off. You then have to kill the head of the Horseman. So you finally kill him, silencing him... until you next enter a town, or until the next day when you come back to the dungeon again.

And then you get loots! The most coveted loot that he drops is a special mount-- it's his horse! It's his FLYING HORSE. Dear lord, you people have no idea how much I want to ride around on a flying horse. My character would look something like this.



My mage would be all "HELLS YEAAAAH!" and would fly around in front of the moon and throw fire at people and--

And then I realized. The Headless Horseman was a pyromaniac. And when I thought about getting the horse for my character, the first thing that popped into my head was that.

Clearly, the Horse is what turns people into pyromaniacs. There's no other explanation. That animal is evil and ought to be taken out back and shot for driving its riders into a state of madness.

...That doesn't mean I'm not gonna keep trying to get the horse for myself.

*cough*