My OkCupid Misadventures

Alright, I will start with this plain and simple fact. I can't get a date to save my life, it seems. Something about me just consistently is 'not good enough,' and I get turned down. A lot. So, I thought I'd try out OkCupid and see if perhaps my luck would be better in meeting men who share my interests and so on.

I have received an overwhelming (to me, anyway) response of messages.

Unfortunately, half of them I can't even respond to adequately. About a quarter of them are just plain creepy. Which means that I respond to approximately 1/4 of the messages I get.

And so, if any of my readers are or ever end up being OkCupid (or any dating site) users, I'm just gonna post these tips and suggestions. These are just from my point of view, so I could be totally wrong, but here they are.

• Winking

Okay, so one of the functions on OkCupid is that you can send someone a 'Wink.' Basically, you do this when you think someone is attractive or interesting or something. Here's the message you get when someone winks at you.

I just winked at you!

If you'd like to strike up a conversation with me, simply reply with something short and encouraging, like "Thanks for the wink! What's new?"

I hate winks. So much. First of all I think they're cheesy as all get-out in real life. Internet winks are no better. Also, just from my standpoint, if YOU'RE interested in getting to know ME, tell me why. Tell me your interests. Don't just throw a wink at me and pray I respond.

That brings me to my next point.

• Messages that are Hard to Respond to

A lot of the time, I'll get a message that I literally feel like I can't respond to.

Well then, hello there. :)

What the Hell am I supposed to say to that? Hi? Messages like these give me nothing to work with. At least give me something. 'I enjoyed your profile because...' 'What do you think of...?' Something. Anything.

• Poorly Written Messages

Maybe this is only because I'm a grammar Nazi, but I absolutely will not respond if someone sends me something like this.

sexy with great musicl taste ..very nice!

Lord. You could be handsome, like all the same things that I do, have a physics degree, and love 80s music, and I still would not respond if you sent me something like that. Why? It makes you sound lazy and unintelligent. Capitalize. Punctuate.

• Awkward Questions

No, really.

hi...what do you think about guys wearing panties?

...What? This is the first impression you want to give me? I suppose that I don't really care what kind of undergarments men wear, as long as they're comfortable with wearing them. But really, that isn't something you ask someone in the first conversation. Would you ask someone that on a first date? Most people would wait until date two or three for that, and if they wouldn't, then that's just really special.

• Propositions

These are some of my least favourites. At least I can occasionally get a laugh out of the awkward questions.

Hey, do you want to watch me jack off over cam?

No, no I do not. Don't get me wrong, I don't have any problems with penises or masturbation. But I don't want to watch you getting handsy with yourself. Franky, I think that the women who encourage men to proposition other women for this should be ashamed of themselves. Hey, sluts. You're not helping. And aside from the obvious reasons as to why I don't care to watch you masturbate in front of your webcam, I have numerous other issues that could result. You could have an STD or something that results in what looks like little cauliflowers growing all over your manparts. You could have a rat nest growing in your pubes. You could have an uncomfortably-small penis! I don't care to see these things.

And finally...

• Messages that Genuinely Creep Me Out

I get these rarely, thank God, but every once in awhile I get a damn scary one.

u attracting me really


iam sherif from egypt

i will be in ur country soon..we can met and i think it will be interesting..u will be with man not like u met b4

i love that u r tall as u write;;;i like that too much

also it will amazing if u like high heels too

come come to start this attractive journey ,, trust my words as i will make new in ur life,,dont ignore my msg i will wait ur reply

God, I feel cruised just by reading that. Aside from the obvious grammatical errors, this is still a creepy message. Mister Stalker Man from Egypt, no. Just no. I do not want your in my city, I do not want you in my state. I do not want you in my country. I do not want you in a box, I do not want you with a fox.

I'm getting all Seussical here. Never a good sign.

But in all seriousness, don't send someone a creepy, molesty message like this. It's terrible and it makes women feel like their ladyparts are shriveling up and dying.

If he is awaiting my reply, then he is still awaiting my reply. I'm never going to respond to that. Ever. Unless you count this blog post as a response.

But at any rate, this concludes my blog post. To sum it all up-- be intelligent, be personable, be friendly, but don't be awkward and molesty.