Morning.

Okay, legitimate question time.

Why are some people so obsessed with waking up early?

I know what you're thinking-- "Laura, waking up early is important! You have to seize the day! Experience a full, solid day! If you sleep late, you lose so much time in the day!"

I emphatically call bullshit.

Now, my typical schedule involves waking up at around 11 AM, staying up until 2 or 3 AM, and then going to sleep. This schedule works fantastically for me, as I have no desire to wake up so early the sun has not yet risen and no businesses are open.

I have been feeling a bit under the weather (probably due to allergies) so I went to bed at around midnight. God help me, I woke up at 4 AM.

I looked outside.

It was like I had woken up in some bizarre, alien world, a parallel universe to my own. I was decidedly out of my comfort zone.

This is what I saw when I looked outside. Perfectly normal and acceptable, right? Wrong.

This is what my sleep-addled and confused brain interpreted the world outside as being. The fog concealed zombies, bleeding houses, and Lovecraftian tentacle monsters. Suddenly, the idea of being outside at 4 AM seemed like a terrible idea. Why the Hell would people risk their lives against the horrors that lurked in the morning fog just for the sake of going to a bakery or making a three-hour commute to work?

Now, another argument is that your day is 'longer' if you wake up early. Let's say you wake up at 6 AM and go to bed at 10 PM. That's sixteen hours of being awake and a healthy eight hours of sleep.

Now, what if I wake up at 11 AM and go to sleep at 3 AM? Guess what? That's also sixteen hours. My day lasts just as long as yours does, chump. It's not MY fault if you wake up at 11 AM and go to bed at 10 PM like you usually would.

"But Laura, what about daylight hours!? You can't argue with that."

Screw daylight. It's obnoxiously-bright and hot and completely overrated. Nighttime is infinitely better than daytime. And you know what? If you follow my sleep schedule, you can conduct any vital business just as easily (or even more easily) than you could if you woke up at 6 AM.

Let's invent a busy day where I'm off work, but have lots of errands to run and so on.

11:00 AM- Wakeup. Sun is out so you know it's daytime. None of this 'The sun isn't up, is it really morning?' crap. Take your time to get showered, dressed, and ready for the day! You've already missed the morning commute traffic, but if you leave the house at noon you'll end up hitting lunchtime traffic. Enjoy a leisurely meal. It's not too late to eat breakfast if you're craving pancakes, but you can just as easily have lunch too.

1:00 PM- Go to the bank. Guess what? All the banks I've seen don't stop processing same-day transactions until 2! Pat yourself on the back. You've skipped lunchtime traffic and you still made it to the bank with plenty of time to spare!

1:45 PM- Put gas in your car. You're making great time-- all the business-people are still at work! No lines at the gas pump for you!

2:00 PM- Let's say you need to buy some new clothes. Now is the perfect time to head to the mall, or wherever else you like to buy your apparel. School is still going, so you don't have to worry about the mall being infested with bratty teenagers. Take your time here! The schoolbuses will be rolling out to collect said bratty teenagers soon. However, even if the kids get off school at 2:45, it'll take them until at least 3 to get home. And even if they leave for the mall the second they get home, they'll still be caught in the after-school rush of traffic! So as long as you leave the mall or shopping center by 3:30, you won't have to deal with annoying teens.

3:30 PM-Take your purchases home. You'll hit a little traffic in this time-frame, but it shouldn't be anything too bad, especially compared to all the crap you missed.

4:30 PM- You know how you've been putting off calling your parents/other relative/friend? Do that now. Seriously, pick up the phone and talk with them, see how things are going.

5:00 PM-I dunno about you, but I'm getting hungry. Let's have lunch now.

6:00 PM- Oh, was that show you wanted to watch on? Well, alright. Watch some TV, play around on the computer, read my blog, whatever. You know. Have a couple hours of 'you time.'

8:00 PM- Look at the clock. You could totally go do your grocery shopping right now, but there's no harm in putting it off til later. As long as you aren't afraid of the crazy nighttime people at Wal-Mart, doing your grocery shopping later is a great idea. The shoppers there will be a little bit weird, sure, but you know what? There also won't be eight hundred thousand of them crowding down the aisles. For someone who is people-phobic like I am, this is a godsend. Decide to put off your shopping til a little later.

10:00 PM- Aaah, that's much better. Let's go to the store now. Enjoy not having to drive back and forth through the parking lot over and over and over again, looking for a space! Pat yourself on the back for having found an awesome parking spot. Do your grocery shopping in peace and solitude, without a crowd of people being in your personal bubble.

11:30 PM- Head home and put your groceries away. Once again, no traffic! Although, by now your tummy will be telling you it's dinner time. You can either eat at home, or stop at Taco Bell, McDonalds, Burger King, Arby's, or any other restaurant that's open late.

The rest of the night til you go to bed at 3 AM is yours to do with as you please. As you can see, my schedule is fantastic in that you can still get everything you need to get done, done, without having to deal with crowds of people. You also temper your errands and chores with more enjoyable activities. It's kind of like a rewards program.

Clearly, waking up early in the morning is absolutely unnecessary.