I'm Sorry, Roommate

Roommate, remember yesterday morning when I woke up and you were sleeping in the bathtub and I was all mad because I needed to pee?

I'm sorry. I'm willing to forgive you and say that I'm sorry I got mad about it. Because last night, you were my hero.
I staggered in from work and went straight to bed, knowing you'd be home minutes after me. My mutant death suffering anguish disease had apparently evolved into something even more sinister. I had a migraine on top of everything else and it felt like my eye was going to explode. So I laid in bed with a pillow mashed over my eyes. I heard you and your friend come upstairs. Your friend said goodbye and left, and you came knocking on my door, asking me if I was alright. When I explained in a senseless mumble that I was dying, you sprang heroically into action, asking if I'd taken any medicine, if I needed to go to the hospital, etc etc.

When I mumbled something about not being able to take any medicine because we had nothing to drink, you volunteered to walk to the little gas station a block away and get me a soda. I expressed my gratitude, and you got ready to leave.
As you were preparing for your journey, for some reason I got up to putter aimlessly around the kitchen. You told me to go back to bed. I did so. Except that when I collapsed back onto my bed, I cracked the back of my head against the wall and it hurt a lot and I cursed some.

You told me not to move until you got back, and departed.

Time seemed to stop moving. I vaguely remember laying in bed, crying pathetically. I might have been drooling on myself a little bit; I can't really remember. It hurt to be alive. I pondered how I'd ever gotten through work, and I wondered if you, Roommate, would call Target for me and tell them I wouldn't be coming to work in case I died in my sleep.
At any rate, you returned with a can of Pepsi in hand. You told me to take my medicine, and then out of respect for my privacy or just plain not wanting to have to see me looking like a zombie, left my room. I took about six Excedrin, drank some Pepsi, and passed out.

In hindsight, I maybe shouldn't have taken so much. But I had to because otherwise I never would have fallen asleep. I still think I'm dying and I have to go to work and I'm dreading it because I feel so terrible, but I'm gonna try and make it.

At any rate, Roommate, thank you for going to get me a soda last night. You're awesome.

PS.
This is probably what I looked like last night.
Clearly, my finest hour.

Illness, Day... Four, I think?

So I woke up today and the back of my head hurt. Not like a headache, but like... where my spine meets my skull hurts. This may sound ridiculous or it may just sound like I slept wrong, but it's true. Also, I hate it when my roommate decides it'd be a good idea to go lay in the bath for well over an hour RIGHT when I'm waking up. Like most people when they first wake up, my first stop is the bathroom.

It was the need to urinate that actually woke me up. I crawled out of bed, feeling sick and very sorry for myself, and toddled my way over to the bathroom. I reached for the knob and stopped. The light was on-- I could see it under the door. Well, maybe he would be out in a minute. I glanced hopefully into his room. Maybe he'd just forgotten to turn out the light. No such luck.

So I waited. And waited. My roommate never emerged. No sound at all issued from the bathroom. No running water, no toilet flushing, no audible breathing-- nothing.

I knocked on the door. "Roommate?" I called. Well, I used his name but we're protecting the 'innocent' here.

No response. But then, I finally caught it-- a snore.

That bastard had drawn himself a bath and fallen asleep in the damned tub.

I was furious. I knocked on the door, louder. No response. I stayed that way for another minute. No response except for more snoring.

Finally I gave up and stormed off to bed again, deciding that I would just go back to sleep and try later. When I woke up exactly half an hour later, he was out and happily playing on his damn computer. I shot him a glare and stormed into the bathroom.

And now that I've satisfied the need to urinate, I realize how crappy I feel. In addition to my weird neck/head pain, I'm still experiencing the symptoms from yesterday, and my throat really hurts too. My right tonsil is swollen-- but only the right one. Lefty's normal. What the hell is wrong with me?

Mutant Suffering Anguish Death Disease, Type 4.

First Post, and Dear Roommate

Well, a lot of people have been suggesting I write a blog, since I seem to have a lot of things to say, and apparently when I write about things that make me rage or suffer, people find it amusing. So, drumroll, here it is. My super sparkly awesome grown-up-person blog. I'm also dedicating this post to my roommate because of how special my day was because of him.

Dear [NAME REMOVED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT],

As usual, it was no problem to drop you off at work today, since I'm off myself. However, due to the apartment feeling like it's about 30 degrees because of the way you run the air conditioner and the fact that even if I shut the AC off, it will remain that cold for another six hours or so, I decided that I was going to curl up in bed under my nice, warm blankets. I began feeling drowsy. Here is where I have shown wisdom and consideration, [NAME REMOVED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT].

I reached out into the frigid abyss that is my room and grabbed my phone. I set my alarm for 8, since that way I would be awake well in time to pick you up from work at 10. I also knew I would most definitely wake up if you messaged me saying you god off early, because I picked a loud, obnoxious message tone and set the phone on the dresser right next to my ear. Just as I was dozing off, the loud, obnoxious message tone went off. It was from you, informing me that you were SOoooooooooooooooo tired, give or take a few 'o's. Well guess what, . So was I. At any rate, I ignored that message and went to sleep.

You messaged me again later, forcing me to wake up because I didn't want to make you have to walk home.

Whatcha up to?

Half asleep and cranky, I replied. Why?

Just curious.

I was napping, I sent you and snapped the phone shut, hoping you'd get the hint.

But no, you didn't. Sorry to wake you then!

Well, I appreciated that, at least. I wasn't so cranky as to ignore the fact that you apologized. So I replied, No problem. I figured now the conversation had to be over. I shut the phone and then my eyes.

More obnoxious noise. It was like each time that annoying little sound played, it inserted a large fishhook under my skin and determinedly dragged me closer and closer to being awake. I cracked open a single eye and read the message. I may be off in like an hour, not sure.

Once again, [NAME REMOVED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT], I DO appreciate you telling me this. Seriously, I do. That's relevant information, even though you don't actually know anything for sure. Ok.

OBNOXIOUS MUSIC. Literally about to rage and bite my phone to silence it forever, I open it to read, I'll let you know as soon as I know.

I kind of figured you would. Really. It's a long walk from your workplace to the apartment. Ok... I send again, clinging to the pathetic hope that you'll get the hint and just not message me anymore until you need a ride.

Silence. Blessed silence. I settled back on my pillow, and shut my eyes. And all of a sudden, like a blithe little rogue stealthing up to me and abruptly beating me with a sack of bricks, I heard the message noise again. I began to wonder why you were doing this to me, [NAME REMOVED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT]. Depends on business.

Ok. I'm fully awake now, so you don't have to worry about not reaching me, I sent back, trying to indirectly inform you how angry I was that you had ruined my nap, and threw the phone down.

I swear I heard my sanity shatter like a fine pane of glass as I heard that disgusting message tone again. "WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TELL ME NOW?!" I shrieked as I picked up the phone. Sorry.

I'm sorry too, [NAME REMOVED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT]. Sorry that this had to happen, sorry I got cross with you, sorry that they're ditching a lot of the new Cataclysm features, sorry that they annihilated the rogue talent trees and you're cranky about that because your main is a rogue, sorry that I'm worried they're going to do the same thing to the mage trees.

And mostly, if anyone has actually read this, I'm sorry to YOU people, for electing to read this ramble. Then again, you started reading this knowing it was a rant, so you know what? I take that back. It's your own faults.