Dear Coworker.

Two weeks ago, Coworker, you left a note on the whiteboard at work saying that you could no longer work Wednesdays. I was fine with this; if you couldn't close Wednesday nights, then I could just take those shifts and get more hours every week. I volunteered to work Wednesday, September 29th for you. You agreed, and I filled out the necessary information on the Swap Shift Board next to the timeclock.

I noticed when I came in on the 29th that you were also scheduled to work Wednesday, October 6th. I left a note in the communications log that basically said, "Hey, I see you're scheduled next Wednesday. If you want me to work for you, let me know."

Now, I also closed Thursday, September 30th. Thursday, September 30th, was my last day of work for nearly a week. You never called me. You never texted me. And because I wasn't scheduled to work, I didn't come in to check and see if you'd written me a note back in the notebook-- frankly, that would have been stupid, and a waste of gas.

So, I waited for nearly a week. I kept my phone on my person at all times. I checked it regularly to see if I'd missed a call or a message from you, Coworker. You never tried to get in touch with me. I could only assume that you either decided to work on Wednesday, October 6th, or you got someone else to cover that shift.

So, when I got a phone call on Wednesday, October 6th, at 3 PM, I was confused. The person who called me, Coworker, was asking me where I was. They asked me why I wasn't at work. They asked me if I planned on coming in. I had a migraine. I was confused, in pain, and tremendously worried. I explained as concisely as I could that while I had offered to take your shift, Coworker, I'd never heard back from you and thus had no idea that I was supposed to be working.

So the truth came out. Did you expect that it wouldn't? Coworker, you wrote me a note saying that yes, you wanted me to work for you that day. You also wrote on the Swap Shift Board that you wanted to get rid of the shift-- but since I didn't know that, I never signed it, saying I would work. You just assumed that I'd been there, knew about it, and signed off on it.

Guess what, Coworker. That's not how it works. Until you see someone's signature next to that shift and you know that it's been changed in the computer, that shift is still your responsibility.

I closed tonight, Thursday, October 7th. Upon reviewing the communications log, I found the nasty little note you wrote me in your obnoxiously-giant handwriting. Your note said something to the effect of, "You could have at least let me know you didn't still want the shift, I assumed you did. Next time just tell me so I know, this really messed my personal schedule up, blah blah blah."

Really, Coworker?

You're still trying to throw me under the bus?

So, Coworker, I wrote a note of my own. And I freely admit, it was eloquent and snide and frankly, I talked to you as if you were stupid in it-- because you are. I explained to you that your shift was still your responsibility until someone signed that they would take it. I explained that writing me a note that I never saw didn't do a lot of good. I explained that I had my phone on me-- that you could have called or texted me anytime.

I hope that tomorrow, when you read it, you realize what a moron you are. I also hope that someone tells you off because you were lazy and left the entire pallet of the truck shipment out in the middle of the Starbucks, in everyone's way, because you didn't feel like doing manual labor and putting it all away. I put it all away tonight, even though the person who was supposed to close the Target Cafe called in and I had to close both sides down by myself. But you don't care, do you? You're a selfish, impossibly stupid female and all you do during your shifts is sit back in the back and text people.

You tried to throw me under the bus yesterday, Coworker. You tried to get me in trouble to save your own ass-- and in so doing, you attempted to screw with my job, my income, and therefore my livelihood.

I'm not going take that laying down.

I already spoke to my manager about the events when I worked today. I will have you know I explained in nothing but the truth, and I pointed out the notes I left, as well as my schedule. My manager agrees-- I am not to blame in this situation.

So, through hasty defense of my job, I kept my ass out of the fryer. But you know what, Coworker? I've had enough. You've always been a mouthy little disrespectful bitch to me. In fact, it's common knowledge that you don't like me. I've had other people ask me why I left you talk to me the way you do. And all of the other workers, save for my manager, know that you're lazy and utterly useless.

I think, Coworker, that it's high time I put a stop to it. When I come in on Saturday, if I see you in the back, sitting on the stepladder and texting people when you're supposed to be working, I'm going to take a picture of it. I'm going to collect evidence that you're a lazy piece of shit, and I'm going to show show it to the manager. What the manager decides to do from there is up to her. But frankly, I hope she fires you. You're a liar, you're lazy, and you constantly call in sick because you're hung over from partying like the boozing little slut you are.

Coworker, I've had enough of your shit. I've worked at a movie theater, at Wal-Mart, Panera Bread, a bakery, Steak-n-Shake, and a few other places. I have worked with some lazy people. But you, Coworker, take the cake. You are the single most worthless piece of trash I have ever had the displeasure of working with, and I'm going to do everything in my power to put a stop to it.

This means war.

High School Reunion

So, I got my invitation to my high school's five-year reunion the other day. I opened it, looked at it, and promptly threw it away. Perhaps that seems cold or callous, but I've got my reasons.

First of all, high school was not a great time of my life. Why would I want to go back and relive my 'glory days' for a night if they weren't all that glorious? I spent a lot time in high school depressed and miserable.

Second of all, I had very few friends, and even fewer who were actually in my class. I can count the number of close friends in my class on one hand. To that point, I honestly disliked half of my class. The immaturity, the drama, the teasing, the exclusions because certain people just weren't popular-- it was stupid. THEY were stupid. Lord knows they probably still are.

Third, I'd have to pay 25 bucks to attend the reunion. No offense, but that's a lot of money for someone who works a crappy job. That's a lot of money that I just don't have. I budget down to like... five-dollar increments with my paychecks. Petty cash doesn't happen.

And finally, I was best known not for being Laura Hermsdorfer, but for being Jean Hermsdorfer's daughter. My mother was the secretary at my high school, and she was awesome at what she did. Not only that, but everyone loved her. Unfortunately, my mother passed away in August of 2008. I graduated in 07. So yeah. That was kind of fresh on everyone's minds, and because everyone loved my mother so much (I can't blame them, she was amazing), I'm pretty sure that I'd have to hear people mentioning her all evening. I don't want that. I honestly don't think I could handle that.

Back when I was working at Panera Bread, one of my old classmates came by to eat. She recognized me, smiled, and said "Hi! How's your mom doing?"

God help me, I just stood there for a second, staring. I couldn't think of anything even remotely appropriate to say. All my other coworkers on the line were looking at me. It felt like my discomfort was contagious. I got paranoid. I almost burst into tears. But holding my composure, I just said something to the effect of, "Well, my mother actually passed away a few months ago."

Then SHE caught the discomfort and walked away without saying much of anything. I proceeded to go to the walk-in cooler and there, I cried a bit. I actually cried a lot in that cooler, back when I worked at Panera. Back then, it was so close to her death that I was struggling a lot with it, and holding composure was a difficult thing 24/7.

Wow, tangent. Well, suffice to say.... I'm not going to the reunion. Yeah. That's all I got.

First Post, and Dear Roommate

Well, a lot of people have been suggesting I write a blog, since I seem to have a lot of things to say, and apparently when I write about things that make me rage or suffer, people find it amusing. So, drumroll, here it is. My super sparkly awesome grown-up-person blog. I'm also dedicating this post to my roommate because of how special my day was because of him.

Dear [NAME REMOVED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT],

As usual, it was no problem to drop you off at work today, since I'm off myself. However, due to the apartment feeling like it's about 30 degrees because of the way you run the air conditioner and the fact that even if I shut the AC off, it will remain that cold for another six hours or so, I decided that I was going to curl up in bed under my nice, warm blankets. I began feeling drowsy. Here is where I have shown wisdom and consideration, [NAME REMOVED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT].

I reached out into the frigid abyss that is my room and grabbed my phone. I set my alarm for 8, since that way I would be awake well in time to pick you up from work at 10. I also knew I would most definitely wake up if you messaged me saying you god off early, because I picked a loud, obnoxious message tone and set the phone on the dresser right next to my ear. Just as I was dozing off, the loud, obnoxious message tone went off. It was from you, informing me that you were SOoooooooooooooooo tired, give or take a few 'o's. Well guess what, . So was I. At any rate, I ignored that message and went to sleep.

You messaged me again later, forcing me to wake up because I didn't want to make you have to walk home.

Whatcha up to?

Half asleep and cranky, I replied. Why?

Just curious.

I was napping, I sent you and snapped the phone shut, hoping you'd get the hint.

But no, you didn't. Sorry to wake you then!

Well, I appreciated that, at least. I wasn't so cranky as to ignore the fact that you apologized. So I replied, No problem. I figured now the conversation had to be over. I shut the phone and then my eyes.

More obnoxious noise. It was like each time that annoying little sound played, it inserted a large fishhook under my skin and determinedly dragged me closer and closer to being awake. I cracked open a single eye and read the message. I may be off in like an hour, not sure.

Once again, [NAME REMOVED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT], I DO appreciate you telling me this. Seriously, I do. That's relevant information, even though you don't actually know anything for sure. Ok.

OBNOXIOUS MUSIC. Literally about to rage and bite my phone to silence it forever, I open it to read, I'll let you know as soon as I know.

I kind of figured you would. Really. It's a long walk from your workplace to the apartment. Ok... I send again, clinging to the pathetic hope that you'll get the hint and just not message me anymore until you need a ride.

Silence. Blessed silence. I settled back on my pillow, and shut my eyes. And all of a sudden, like a blithe little rogue stealthing up to me and abruptly beating me with a sack of bricks, I heard the message noise again. I began to wonder why you were doing this to me, [NAME REMOVED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT]. Depends on business.

Ok. I'm fully awake now, so you don't have to worry about not reaching me, I sent back, trying to indirectly inform you how angry I was that you had ruined my nap, and threw the phone down.

I swear I heard my sanity shatter like a fine pane of glass as I heard that disgusting message tone again. "WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TELL ME NOW?!" I shrieked as I picked up the phone. Sorry.

I'm sorry too, [NAME REMOVED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT]. Sorry that this had to happen, sorry I got cross with you, sorry that they're ditching a lot of the new Cataclysm features, sorry that they annihilated the rogue talent trees and you're cranky about that because your main is a rogue, sorry that I'm worried they're going to do the same thing to the mage trees.

And mostly, if anyone has actually read this, I'm sorry to YOU people, for electing to read this ramble. Then again, you started reading this knowing it was a rant, so you know what? I take that back. It's your own faults.